Plot Fix: Barbarians Episode 2, "Vengeance"

The military diversity from roughly 400 BC to 100 AD has been of particular interest to me since I was a child. Rather recently, I started an Instagram page to share my knowledge about this period and engage with an interested community.

After writing my review of Barbarians Episode 1 and watching the second episode, I read an article that the showrunners of Barbarians were not interested in giving a “history lesson”, so I’ll be brief with the historical aspects, and dive more into the screenplay.

--Spoilers Ahead--

I call this episode “Folkwin gets CTE”

Rating: 4 out of 10 bludgeons

Historical Aspects:

Arminius, as he is called by the Romans, is called “Ari” by the Germanic tribespeople. There is some debate as to whether his name was actually “Herman”, but there is another candidate in “Ermanaric” so if they opt for “Ari”, it would work.

And an interesting factoid. Also quite salient, the dark-haired Laurence Rupp was chosen to play Ari to dissuade any dog-whistling to white supremacists/neo-nazi groups that hang their hat on the Battle of Teutobergerwald as the stemming of “unpure” peoples.

The bit about the tribes disallowing murder or execution is simply an iteration of the “Noble Savage” myth. Historic and pre-historic Germanic peoples have plenty of evidence of human sacrifice, large scale killing (Tollense), and afterwards, the concept of “Weregeld” as in, the codified price of a human life depending on their social status.

The Good :

1) First credit where it is due: The starring actors in the series are top-notch. Writing a script in a dead language, and the actors having to learn their lines in that language is not easy. Super impressive. As a non-Native German speaker, I can’t really hear the Western dialect the actors are using, and I find it quite immersive.

2) Interesting bit with Segestes plotting and Varus arriving after the eagle has been taken by Ari. Gives the plot a nice strategic push.

The Bad:

Now, this screenplay. You know how the last season of #GameofThrones had a bunch of weird coincidences, philosophical conflicts, and less would have been more? It was kind of like that, except I’ve only completed a third of the series.

1) Starting with the wolf in the beginning. Strangely reminiscent of #300 (without any of the context) and then they take the fangs, make charms, and take a spontaneous yet solemn oath. Then Roman Cavalry immediately surrounds them? That is janky pacing. I hate lazy writing like that.

Here’s something better: They kill (or more plausibly, find) the wolf, he rushes back to tell his Papa about his cool new necklace and blood oath, and the Romans are waiting at the longhouse. They have a heart-wrenching goodbye.

2) What happened to the auxilia patrol that Ari went out with? At what point do they return to camp and say “Oh, I thought he was with you?” I guess he did ask for a week from Varus, but most military formations would feel strange having their officer wander off alone without giving a time and place of rendezvous. Fix: A simple “I’ll meet you at camp in a few days”.

3) Character Ambivalence: The sentiments that come out of Ari’s mouth are not consistent. He often talks about returning the eagle or apologizing for the empire for the “good of the tribe” while whining about being “given away” by his father for...the good of the tribe.

4. Second bit of ambivalence: Segemir saying that he wouldn’t give Folkwin up because of the “we Cherusci stick together” line? Where did this come from? He probably would have saved lives by telling the truth: “Ari took it with him, he took my horse. I have no idea where Folkwin is.” Then, if the Romans did anything, we’d know the depravity of the “bad guys” as an audience.

By the way, it IS possible for characters to have conflicting feelings and show hypocrisy but both #4 and #5 are set up poorly in the screenplay (or perhaps the editing is to blame).

5. Folkwin throwing a spear at a fleeing Ari a moment after literally having a sword at a man’s throat to protect him? Come on.

6. Let’s talk about Folkwin getting bashed TWICE in the head so hard that he gets knocked out. The first time was with a 4 pound metal bird swung in a bag. He wakes up hours later, mourns for his family, and then gets a blackjack to the back of the skull. Who’s gonna tell this village that someone has to chew his food for him?

In contrast, Thusnelda’s little brother got hit in the head once and became disabled. The respect to this injury is something I liked about the first episode.

Fix for 5 and 6: Ari sneaks out of his papa’s hut. Folkwin learns about Ari leaving quite a bit later, so he’s chasing him for much longer.

Overall, I will say that watching this series feels a little like work now.

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If you like this, you might also like: “Plot Fix: Barbarians Episode 3”

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